Write On Sports LLC - "Ben Franklin Predicts the Divisional Round's Results" by Troy Somero

Ben Franklin Predicts the Divisional Round's Results

2007-01-03 00:14:38 | By: Troy Somero

Ben Franklin, the master of American aphorisms, once said, "In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes." Had Franklin's been enclosed in the world of the NFL Playoffs he might have changed his saying to, "In this world nothing is certain but playoff predictions and their eventual doom."

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In an October 18 article I predicted who I believed had the best chance to win the Super Bowl based on strength of schedule during the 2006 season. While I correctly predicted eight of the twelve playoff teams, and three of my Super Bowl "possibilities" (the Colts, Eagles and Giants) are in contention, most people realize that processes such as this, although logical, is none the less relatively useless in predicting who will actually win the Super Bowl. (If you do not believe that every playoff predication process has little opportunity to come to fruition, take a look back at the number of "experts" who predicted that the Panthers would win the Super Bowl in September.)

Therefore, to demonstrate the fruitlessness of my previous predication attempts, as well as the randomness of the wonderful game of professional football (see Pittsburgh last year), I will employ the words of America's greatest thinker in order to determine which teams will advance to the second weekend of the 2007 NFL Playoffs.

Dallas at Seattle

Dallas: "Eat to live, and not live to eat."

No team has received more hype over the latter half of the season than the Dallas Cowboys. Because of the newly-baptized Golden Boy quarterback in Tony Romo, every slack-jawed footballer figures the Cowboys are a safe bet to make noise in the playoffs this January. However, the Cowboys' recent troubles have proven that they are playing to talk rather than backing up all the hype that surrounds them. Between T.O. being T.O., Jerry Jones being Jerry Jones, Terry Glenn chiming in to respond to his fellow flanker over the last couple weeks, and Tony Romo flirting with everyone from Carrie Underwood to Jessica Simpson, the Cowboys are living to eat, not eating to live. In fact, the only two Cowboys who seem to obeying Franklin's aphorism are Bill Parcells and Drew Bledsoe, and they will not even talk to each other. The moment the Cowboys entered the media limelight they were destined to fail, and destined to live to eat.

Seattle: "After three days men grow weary, of a wench, a guest, and weather rainy."

No team better exemplifies one of Franklin's most famous aphorisms than the Seahawks. First of all, T.O. is arriving in Seattle this weekend to play against the Seahawks, and there is no player that Franklin would label a wench in place of T.O. Secondly, Seattle is hosting this round of the playoffs, which makes the Cowboys' their guests. In addition, Seattle has arguably the best home field advantage in the NFL and few teams are successfully able to adapt to this environment, let alone in a playoff atmosphere. Thirdly, it never stops raining in Seattle – except when it snows. With all of these factors considered, it is likely that the only team that will grow weary as Saturday concludes will be the Cowboys.

Ben says, "Final Score: Seattle 28, Dallas 10."

Kansas City at Indianapolis

Kansas City: "Opportunity is the great bawd."

The Chiefs needed much help last weekend to make the playoffs, including a victory of their own and losses by Cincinnati and Denver (both of which happened in overtime). Thus, opportunity has presented itself and Herm Edwards is not a coach who shies away from opportunity. He abandoned the Jets in the off-season for a "better" opportunity in Kansas City. He took advantage of the opportunity to actively chart the course of the Chief's season by putting Trent Green back in the starting lineup over the steady Damon Huard. Now Edwards is back in the playoffs with an opportunity to defend all the major football decisions he has made over the last year. Plus, there is no a more unassuming bawd than Larry Johnson, who stated earlier this season that he could succeed better under an African-American head coach. There will be two on the field on Saturday night – all the more reason for Larry Johnson to have a big night.

Indianapolis: "Necessity never made a good bargain."

No coach-quarterback duo is feeling the pressure of necessity more than Tony Dungy and Peyton Manning. Dungy has been celebrated as a great coach, but out of necessity he has bargained away his defensive roots for a team heavily led by its offense. Manning has a chip on his shoulder the size of Indiana because he has yet to "win the big one", so one can venture that Manning would make any bargain possible in order to lead his team to a Super Bowl victory. However, as Franklin says above, just because the Colts need a successful playoff run does not mean they will have a successful playoff run.

Ben says, "Final Score: Kansas City 28, Indianapolis 24."

New York Jets at New England

New York Jets: "Tis easy to see, hard to foresee."

The Jets enter Sunday's game facing a team that it completely outplayed and out-coached on November 12. Anyone who watched that game can understand why Bill Belichick did not warm up to Eric Mangini after the game: Mangini made Belichick looks like his protégé. Tis easy to see that the Jets are entering the playoffs with momentum on their side, but it is not hard to foresee that the Jets will be facing a different New England team than the team they played twice this season. Mangini was ready for Belichick in the regular season, but Belichick shines in the postseason. Tis easy for the Jets to enter New England, but it is hard to foresee them leaving with a victory. Tis easy to see Chad Pennington had a good season, but it is hard to foresee him outplaying Tom Brady in the postseason.

New England: "After crosses and losses, men grow humbler and wiser."

As mentioned above, the Patriots lost to the Jets on November 12. In addition, the Patriots are coming off a season that ended with their first playoff loss in the decade after three Super Bowls in four years. The Patriots have certainly learned many lessons from their championship runs, but may have learned even more from their postseason disappointment last year. The loss to the Jets has served as a wake-up call to this Patriots team, as they have gone 6-1 since that defeat. In addition, the Patriots lost the game at home, undoubtedly crossing their fans. Ben Franklin would agree that the Patriots are wise enough to remember not to cross their home crowd with another loss to the rival Jets.

Ben says, "Final Score: New England 24, New York Jets 9."

New York Giants at Philadelphia

Philadelphia: "He that lieth down with Dogs, shall rise up with Fleas."

The City of Philadelphia, much to Ben Franklin's chagrin, can be labeled the city of dogs after its athletic futility throughout its history. Among the most memorable moments in Philadelphia Eagles' history are Santa Clause getting pelted with snowballs, a court being set up inside of Veterans' Stadium to prosecute rowdy fans in a more expedient manner, and Donovan McNabb throwing up on the field during the fourth quarter of Super Bowl XXXIX. In addition, the Eagles welcome the Giants to the Linc this Sunday, and no playoff team has lied with dogs this season more than the Giants. The Giants are coming to Philadelphia this Sunday, and they will be bringing all the fleas they have.

New York Giants: "God helps them that help themselves."

While the Giants did next to nothing to help themselves qualify for the playoffs over the second half of the season, God allowed them to have an opportunity to qualify in Week 17 by sabotaging the seasons of Carolina, St. Louis and Atlanta. In addition, the Giants *did* beat two of those three teams during the regular season, so the dual forces of sheer luck (God's influence) and key victories over other wildcard contenders (Giants' influence) allowed the Giants to make the playoffs. Thus, the Giants accomplished the bare minimum necessary in order to make it to Football Heaven, and in the long run that is all that the Lord asks of us.

Ben says, "Final Score: New York Giants 24, Philadelphia 13."