Write On Sports LLC - "Don't Understand the Game? Just Watch the Coaches" by Troy Somero

Don't Understand the Game? Just Watch the Coaches

2006-10-25 13:24:43 | By: Troy Somero

It is often said that a picture is worth a thousand words. Indeed, there is perhaps no profession where this aphorism reigns more true than the coaching profession. In the NFL, the result of every run, pass and kick can be seen on the face of the head coaches on the sideline. On Monday Night Football this past week, the expressions and actions of Bill Parcells and Tom Coughlin expressed the sentiments of each of their teams as the Giants trounced the Cowboys 36-22. During the first quarter of the game, I took note of each time one of the coaches was shown on camera. How Parcells and Coughlin reacted each time the camera zoomed in on them, the plays that caused these reactions, and the verbal translation of what they were likely thinking is expressed below:

First scenario: 13:01 1-10-NYG36; Giants are in the huddle after a first down completion.

The reaction: Coughlin has his hands on his knees, crouching low to the ground and staring into his team's huddle.

The thought: "I really want to get out there and lead-block for Tiki here. Why else would I send Jim Finn into slot on the last play? Get me in there!" (Ironically enough, the next play was an 11-yard run for Barber.)

Second scenario: 12:01 Eli Manning just completed a 50-yard pass play to Plaxico Burress for a Giants touchdown, where Roy Williams was picked off by back judge Don Dorkowski. The Giants take a 7-0 lead.

The reaction: Parcells stares off into space in disbelief.

The thought: "I REALLY hate officials… almost as much as I hate reporters… and T.O. Oops!"

Third scenario: 10:22 3-1-DAL38; Officials come out to measure after Dallas runs the ball up the middle. First down Dallas.

The reaction: Parcells intently watches the Chain Gang, and then looks over his playbook for the next play after a first down is signaled.

The thought: "All right. This is good. A first down and no passes to T.O. Let's keep this going."

Fourth scenario: 9:20 2-9-DAL40; Drew Bledsoe is sacked by Michael Strahan after a block is missed on the blind side.

The reaction: Parcells says nothing and shakes his head.

The thought: "Where is Phil Simms when you need him? Screw that, I'll take Chris Simms right now…"

Fifth scenario: 7:17 3-1-NYG20; The Giants are lined up, facing a short conversion for first down.

The reaction: Coughlin paces up and down the sideline.

The thought: "If we don't get this first down everyone is showing up 15 minutes early for Wednesday's meetings. Or I could just move the start time of the meeting back 15 minutes. I don't know… I'm as confused as anyone about my meeting times."

Sixth scenario: 7:05 3-1-NYG20; Eli Manning calls a timeout before the snap.

The reaction: Coughlin methodically mutters something into his headset.

The thought: "Put in Jacobs. Put in Jacobs. Put in Jacobs." (After the timeout, the Giants put Jacobs in for Barber and gained five yards on a Jacobs run up the middle.)

Seventh scenario: 5:44 Eli Manning is hit while throwing the ball. The play was ruled a fumble and the ball was recovered by Kareem McKenzie of the Giants, resulting in a 12 yard loss. Coughlin has just challenged the ruling in the field.

The reaction: Coughlin wildly waves his hands and screams at the officials.

The thought: "I never win challenges. Give me this one!" (The call on the field was reversed.)

Eighth scenario: 4:03 1-10-DAL1; Drew Bledsoe throws the ball about 20 yards out of bounds as the Cowboys are on their own goal line.

The reaction: Parcells has a speechless scowl on his face.

The thought: "Forget the Simms' boys, I'm so desperate I'll put in Tony Romo at this point."

Ninth scenario: 3:59 LaVar Arrington reaches Bledsoe untouched on a blitz, resulting in a safety and a 9-0 Giants lead.

The reaction: Parcells has the same speechless scowl on his face.

The thought: "Forget Tony Romo, I need some Tony Roma. That guy makes some mean ribs…"

Tenth scenario: 3:45 2-10-NYG39; Both teams are at the line of scrimmage.

The reaction: Parcells is frantically screaming into his headset.

The thought: "What year is this! 2006?!? Remember in 1986 when I was coaching the Giants? Bring me back there!"

Eleventh scenario: 1:08 Michael Strahan just brought Julius Jones down behind the line of scrimmage for a 3-yard loss on second down.

The reaction: Parcells is fuming. His scowl is getting more and more scowly.

The thought: "Strahan just tied L.T.'s all-time Giant's sack record!?! My team is so bad tonight that they are washing away records set by teams I coached twenty years ago!"

Twelfth scenario: 0:46 3-13-DAL45; A false start is called on Jason Witten, moving the Cowboys back five more yards.

The reaction: Parcells shakes his head and wanders on the sideline.

The thought: "Who is on my Tony Roma's invite list after this game? Bledsoe… No. Jones… No. Witten… No. That leaves… T.O. Well, he is worth $25 million so he can pick up the check."

Thirteenth scenario: 0:23 Dallas sends in the punt unit after a 10-yard completion on 3rd-and-18.

The reaction: Parcells continues to wander on the sideline.

The thought: "Who is on my Tony Roma's invite list after this game? Simms… Yes. Bavaro… Yes. LT… Yes. That leaves… T.O… again. Well, he is worth $25 million so he can pick up the check."

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